


Not Good Enough

by life_is_righteous



Series: House of Durin [1]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Durin Reader, Feeling Unwanted, Gen, Thorin’s Daughter, slight depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-19
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2019-01-19 13:35:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12411291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/life_is_righteous/pseuds/life_is_righteous
Summary: Other dwarves always speak of Fili and Kili being the perfect heirs and it was starting to get to you.





	Not Good Enough

The weather outside reflected your mood perfectly: cloudy and dreary. These feelings had just started to happen recently after you had, along with your father and cousins, reclaimed Erebor with 10 other dwarves, a hobbit and a wizard. It was small at first, but it gradually progressed as Erebor was slowly rebuilt.  
You deemed yourself useless.

Fili was so much better at politics than you were. You were Thorin’s only child and therefore was required to be at the meetings along with Fili, but you could not understand any of it. A dwarf had once asked you your opinion and you could not respond leading to snickers all around the table and sympathetic looks from Fili, Balin, and Ori. You didn’t dare look at your father. You were afraid his reaction would break your heart.

Then there was Kili. He was such a likable person with his positive energy and good looks. If he had a chance to travel the entire middle Earth, you were sure he would have friends in every kingdom. Every person he came across, he always left with a smile. You yourself didn’t have friends outside of the company and it stung hearing others talk about how perfect Fili and Kili were for the kingdom. It was like you weren’t there in the first place.

“Y/n?”

You frantically wipe your tears away and continue to watch the weather outside. You were currently sat on the gates to Erebor. You knew the guards wouldn’t bother you and it was always a calming place to go even though it was once a graveyard.

“Hello, adad. No meetings today?” You ask quietly not wanting to look at him in fear of breaking down again.

“No. Not today. I’ve canceled them to spend time with you, but you were not in your study,” Thorin states, coming to stand next to you

“I just needed to think, is all,” you tell him.

There is a few moments of silence as you both watch the rainfall. You loved rain. Especially the smell. It was absolutely gorgeous.

“Dwalin says you’ve been coming here quite often,” Thorin says, interrupting your train of thoughts.

Trust Dwalin to rat you out. You should’ve expected it though. He was nearly always on guard duty and he knew that you only sat on top of the gates when something was troubling you.

“It’s nothing adad. I just wanted to watch the rain that’s all,” you lie.

“Y/n,” Thorin mumbles and you look at him.

It takes all of your resolve to not break down as you look at your father. He looked so caring and understanding but for some reason you can’t help but feel those emotions were false. As if he was only there because he was forced to be there.

“I just. I’m not good enough, adad. Fili and Kili are so much better than me. Everyone loves them. Kili is always smiling and always making a new friend everyday and Fili is so regal and smart and diplomatic. I always feel like I’m not good enough. Obviously I’m not. I’m older than Fili by ten years and yet I don’t understand anything that goes on the meetings that I’m forced to go to. And I know you’re always disappointed in me. I just know it,” you say, tears clouding over once again.

“Y/n-.” Thorin starts, reaching out for you but you stand quickly and run away. You couldn’t have him confirm your fears.

  
-

You ignore the knock on your door, opting to just lay curled up in your blanket to stare at the wall. You didn’t feel like doing anything anymore. This usually happened. Whenever you were sad, you would just skip everything and lay in bed. You wouldn’t eat. You wouldn’t sleep. You would just stare at the wall.

The door opens and you hear two sets of boots entering your room. Fili’s stupid mustache braids enter your vision and you blink as you hear, who you assumed to be, Kili close the door.

“We talked to Uncle,” Fili says, blue eyes boring down into your own set of blue eyes.

You don’t answer him, opting to close your eyes and pull your sheets over your eyes, hoping he would go away.

“Y/n. Don’t hide from us,” Kili says, tugging the sheet down to show your face again.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” you say, trying to tug on the sheet again, but Kili’s strength beats yours and you sigh, giving up.

“I don’t understand why you think we’re better than you,” Fili says, rubbing away the traitorous tear.

“Because everyone says you are. ‘Fili and Kili are such perfect princes’. ‘Fili and Kili are so skilled.’ ‘Thorin must be so proud to have Fili and Kili as his heirs.’ Our people love the King’s nephews more than they love his daughter,” you choke out, tears falling heavier than before.  
Fili immediately scoops you up into his arms, pulling you into a hug with Kili immediately joining you both.

“I don’t know if you know this, but we look up to you so much,” Kili states, rubbing his hand in soothing circles along your back.

“Yeah. You’re like the sister we’ve always wanted. You can handle any weapon better than I can and I have a lot of weapons,” Fili states and that earns him a watery chuckle from you.

“You can easily calm Uncle with just a touch and make him give in to anything you want with just a bat of your eyes,” Kili adds.

“And you always know what to say at the right time,” Fili tells you.

“But I’m not as smart as you or as friendly as you,” you tell them.

“Being able to understand council does not necessarily count as smart. It just means that I have a tolerance for idiots speaking in circles,” Fili states and you let out a giggle.

“And what do you mean you’re not smart? Did you forget that you were the only one who caught onto Bilbo when he was trying to stall? Or that you were the one who found the hidden entrance into Erebor? You’re sure as hell smarter than all of the company members combined. And that being friendly thing. Who cares? You don’t need to have a bunch of friends. You only need the ones that are going to stick with you from beginning to end not matter what,” Kili tells you with a bright smile.

“But-.”

“No buts, y/n. You are important. You are smart. You are loved and you are good enough. Don’t you dare let anyone tell you any different,” Fili interrupts and you smile at the both of them, eyes watering for a completely different reason.  
You drag Kili closer to you, resting your forehead against theirs.

“I love you both.”

“We love you too.”

-  
Waking up, you find your limbs tangled with both Fili and Kili’s. After your crying session, you had fallen asleep exhausted and the boys joined you. You were glad that your bed was big enough for the three of you.

Looking to your right, you find Thorin sleeping on a chair with his legs propped up on the bedside table and his hand resting on Fili’s hip. You didn’t know that he came into your room.

Removing your arm from under Fili’s head, you reach out to clasp your fathers hand. His eye opens immediately. You smile at him.

“I love you adad,” you say and he smiles at you, squeezing your hand.

“And I will ALWAYS love you, kurdel and I will always be proud of everything and anything you do,” he says, pressing a kiss to your knuckles and you smile before slowly falling back asleep.

As long as your family loved you, that is all that matters.


End file.
